The List
by DoubleMMia
Summary: It was in March when Hawke dropped the massive, earth-shattering bomb on her that made her stain her hands and the nice corset top she was wearing a bright blue. Modern AU.


**The List**

It was in March when Hawke dropped the massive, earth-shattering bomb on her that made the nice pen she bought (okay so she may have accidently stolen it but it was shiny and Maker be fucking praised – or whatever crap Sebastian spouted – she couldn't resist a damn good pen) skid to the floor and leave a gigantic ink stain on her new corset that had been specifically tailored to make her boobs look great; like yeah, thanks Hawke.

Isabela had been minding her own business, like she usually is of course, by writing up a shopping list for herself to go grab after she finished her shift at work (Hawke called it lying, but hey it's the media and she can lie all she bloody well likes because it's fun) and Hawke obviously shouting the things they needed to her from their bedroom so she didn't have to think too much.

However because of that lack of thinking it had also led to Isabela not registering most of the things Hawke was saying until it was far too late.

Hawke yelled out 'bread' and instantly she wrote it down with a little swish of her pen and a little click of her tongue.

"Milk!"

She wrote it down, her tongue starting to trace her lower lip slowly as she continued to write the list of essentials down on hers and Hawke's shopping list. Isabela cocked her head to stare down at the word, it didn't look right at all; was it an E instead of a I? Or was there another letter entirely?

"By the way we need some more pastry to make that armada cake for Aveline and Donnic's kid, oh and some more eggs for that too and I think we need…"

"Birdy would you shut up? I'm still on pastry!" Isabela snapped at the other woman, rolling her eyes at the haughty huff of exasperated breath that came from the other room as she continued on writing down the list Hawke was calling out to her.

"I was thinking about a baby as well and…"

Isabela is already writing the damn thing down before it truly registers to her what Hawke just said and so she wasn't that surprised at all to notice that Hawke's gone silent from her usual mantra, and all she's left with is the sound of her own breathing and the loud beat of her heart that has somehow managed to work its way up her throat to settle into her mouth.

How long had she been with Hawke now? Two years? Two years and they've never once talked about things like…ugh…babies. It's never occurred to either of them to speak about it despite the fact that almost all of their friends are either married or have buns in the oven, and sure Isabela's happy for them but considering Hawke and her actually laughed at the fact that Bethany's getting married next week she didn't see how this conversation had just suddenly come from nowhere.

Still she played it cool, because she has to if she even wants to sleep in the same bed as Hawke tonight and she does because it's Friday and Friday is the day her and Hawke have wild, drunken sex without having to worry about Merrill coming over unexpectedly to offer to watch movies with them like she does each other night because Friday is the night Merrill goes speed-dating, a concept that had made Hawke look at the younger girl worriedly because for some reason Hawke thinks Merrill is some delicate flower. It made Isabela snort, how wrong Hawke was.

The pen went skidding to the floor regardless of how cool she played it and it of course stained her corset-top and hands (now she definitely would have to change again, Maker's smelly socks!) which left her with blue hands, however no matter what state she was in she couldn't help but walk over to the door to their bedroom where she could see Hawke was lying on her stomach reading a book with such obvious fake concentration it took everything not to point out the fact Hawke was reading the damn thing upside down.

It's sort of cute Isabela had to admit grudgingly.

Be cool, she reminded herself before actually acknowledging Hawke's rather strange way of bringing up kids. "I heard you say babies birdy, is that like, a new sort of cookie you've grown fond of?"

Hawke sighed, bright blue eyes full of frustration. "I knew having a serious conversation with you was next to impossible, forget I said anything."

Normally Isabela would have listened to Hawke at this point because yeah her and Hawke are always arguing but to her that's like foreplay to great sex so she's never complained about it, but sometimes she actually preferred not getting on Hawke's bad side – though the whole point of the matter was today was the day she actually didn't give two craps what happened, because if she didn't talk to Hawke about this now then she might not ever get Hawke to talk to her about it again. And Hawke could definitely hold a grudge when she wanted to.

It's best to be casual though, because if Hawke thought she was being too serious then she would accuse Isabela of patronizing her which was, well, true most of the times but hey she can be serious sometimes alright?

"Why on Aveline's sweaty knickers do you want a baby?" Isabela found herself asking, brow furrowed and her shoulder pressed against the door pane in a desperate attempt to look calmer than she felt about the whole topic. "They smell and they scream and if we're unlucky it'll look like you."

For the better part it actually drew a smile from Broody Panties but on the worse part that smile eventually faded away into a small frown, the drastic change causing an overwhelming amount of guilt to settle at the bottom of Isabela's stomach.

Damn it she hates it when Hawke makes her feel like this, isn't it enough that she's been monogamous for two years and the thought of herself being with someone who isn't Hawke actually makes her feel a little bit guilty weird enough? Did Hawke really need to make her feel crap about this too?

"First off thank you for making me imagine Aveline's sweaty knickers Isabela, that was extremely nice of you," Hawke choked out from behind a small laugh that doesn't make Isabela feel better in the slightest actually, not even when Hawke puts her two fingers up to count off her next point despite the fact that it usually assured her Hawke was totally teasing, "secondly, well Alex has one and his cute. Mycah's cute. And thirdly..."

"Alex has a baby? What? It looks nothing like her!" Oh Maker, she's just making it worse but she can't stop herself because this is a conversation she never thought she would be having when it comes to Hawke and her but apparently her life is a complete boat of shit and wants to laugh at her.

Of course she knows Alex has a baby, its Hawke's bloody cousin for crying out loud who is also one of her best friends and the wife of Fenris (how the hell he got married Isabela still wonders because she's quite sure last time she saw him when they were teenagers he was gay, or was that Anders? She could never remember) so yeah if she didn't know Alex had a kid then she's seriously blind.

Hawke of course, took her completely seriously. "Isabela he is two this August and you are telling me you didn't know it was Alex's kid?"

Her mind screamed at her to be serious, to actually think for once about what Hawke's feeling right now, why she wants these kids in the first place but Isabela's mouth once more ran away with her to leave her feeling like a complete shit and for Hawke's face to pull down into one of the most hurt expressions Isabela's ever seen.

"It's been a rough two years alright, I've been dating you if you don't remember."

She's really fucked it up now by the look on Hawke's face and the way the flicker of anger transforms into just pure sadness and damn it she hated it when Hawke does this to her because Maker it's not fair at all.

Hawke gets up from where she had been lying on their bed, her face a mask of stone that intimidated the hell out of Isabela to be completely honest but regardless Isabela stood her ground as Hawke went to walk past her, only stopping when Isabela caught her by the waist with her arm wrapped around the smaller woman to pull them together, hip to hip.

"I was just kidding y'know…" She murmured into the other woman's ear, pressing a soft kiss to the lobe of it before smiling softly in an attempt to make Hawke not look like she wanted to punch her bloody brain in. "I like dating you, the sex is great and you're very secretively funny so…"

"But you just aren't committed to anything other than sex with me, right?" Hawke snapped and pulled away from her, her tone of voice the cause on why Isabela's mouth flopped open as she turned to glance at Hawke from over her shoulder to see that Hawke's already on her way to the kitchen with every intent of toasting bagels as she usually does when she needed to find a way to calm down.

"When the hell did I say that?" Isabela can't help but ask, the guilt that she felt before now dissipating to be replaced with confusion and frustration with how bloody horrible Hawke can be at times when it comes to deciphering what Isabela was actually talking about. "Isn't the whole me living with you since we we're nineteen tell you that I am in fact very, very committed?"

The smell of bagels is already in the air before Isabela arrived in the kitchen, her hands still stained blue and her corset now in ruins because she can't stop gripping at the fabric to bunch it in her hands in a desperate attempt to calm herself down enough that she won't actually start yelling at Hawke when in truth all she wants to do is kiss her until she see's reason.

Isabela has to admit that it usually ends up with her sleeping on the sofa whenever she tries to kiss Hawke into reason, but hey it also comes with excellent make up sex so it's hard to argue with.

Hawke had already decided not to face her by how stiff her back was when it was turned to face Isabela, a trick she already knew was Hawke's way of shutting her out and a trick that once again Isabela would not allow to happen.

"You know birdy you are one stubborn bitch at times, but this takes the piss. All I want to know is why you want a baby all of a sudden?" And that is partly the truth, she does want to know. That and why Hawke all of a sudden thinks she isn't committed to her, because duh of course she is, not having sex with anyone but Hawke for two years sounds pretty damn committed to her. Besides, she sort of loves Hawke, even when she's being a bitch like now.

Hawke didn't turn around to answer her, not that Isabela cared because an answer is an answer. "Is it silly to want something that we can say is both ours? That I can say without a hint of doubt that we chose to have due to the love we have for one another? Because we want to share this love with another person that belongs to us, is part of us?"

Isabela resisted the urge to actually run out of the door and into the open world, go to Aveline's house and then proceed to have a panic attack without having to worry of anyone telling Hawke later due to the fact that all her other friends felt that no matter what went on in Isabela's life it was their duty to tell Hawke without her consent on anything; honestly it was a bit annoying yet also surprising that Aveline would be the only exception to it.

It's not like she hasn't thought about going a bit further with Hawke (she isn't blind contrary to popular belief, she can tell that Hawke wants _something_ to happen to them, it's the way she goes quiet whenever a wedding is announced or the fact that Aveline's apparently pregnant now too and Hawke laughs about it with her later but it doesn't reach her eyes) but she didn't see the point of it when they were both so happy with just being with one another, so again this whole kid thing? It's actually terrifying the living daylights out of her.

Hawke didn't even give her the time to answer though because she's already munching on a bagel and slipping past her with a swagger in her step that is all fake and not Broody Panties at all considering Broody Panties doesn't fucking swagger in the first place.

"Damn it Birdy," she hisses at the end of it, throwing her arms up in the air to head back into her room and throw her clothes off herself until she's stark naked in their bedroom with the only thing reminding her that she's naked is the mirror on the wall (Maker she looks great, why she and Hawke haven't had sex in days is beyond her way of understanding) which isn't that great anymore because now she can see Hawke glaring at her from the other room.

"You're naked why?" Hawke is seriously the only person in the world who would actually say that in such a disgusted tone that it actually made Isabela laugh and turn around to face Miss Broody herself, because what she's saying is true, only Hawke would take one look at her body and say that.

Maker, they're both so domesticated with one another it's scary.

"If you want a baby then you've got to come make one," Isabela challenged with a smirk that makes her face ache even harder than before when she was too busy laughing at how utterly ridiculous Hawke is at times. "That is, if you've got the right parts for it and all."

Hawke's face grows dark. "You know I don't have the right parts for it, are you trying to patronize me again?"

Isabela shrugged and bit her lip, "no actually, but I know that if I say yes like a normal person would you're actually going to think I'm going soft on you."

The effect of Hawke actually smirking after a minute or two causes an excited shudder to travel down Isabela's spine, the urge to jump Hawke is also ridiculous but she can't be blamed at all because Hawke is Hawke and she can't believe that it took so long for them to admit that they wanted in each other's pants even before they were nineteen.

Hawke is the one to lean against the pane of the door this time, arms crossed against her chest and her azure eyes barely glancing down at Isabela's legs before gazing back up to stare at her straight in the eyes until the urge to throw something at the idiot started to settle at the back of Isabela's mind.

Too bad Hawke's idea of fun is also at the back of her own mind too. "This is the sort of conversation that we can't make fun out of Isabela and I'm not comfortable in taking part of having this baby if you don't want it to. And if you don't want a baby then…I understand and we can ignore this conversation ever happened."

Isabela shook her head because Hawke's supposedly really clever (and she is, she's been living with her since they were nineteen, she knows Hawke's clever) but right now she's acting like such a dumb fuck it's unbelievable. "No we can't ignore that this conversation ever happened, even if I didn't agree to the whole having kids thing." She paused then, "hell I can't even promise that I'll be good at it."

"Is that what you're worried about?" Hawke's eyes were all soft and sad and it did nothing but make Isabela want to throw back her clothes on (stain and all) and rush out the house to get to work – she's late, they'll have to deal with it though – because whilst they do talk about feelings and all it's still hard for her to stomach when Hawke looks at her with those eyes.

"Oh fuck off Hawke," Isabela muttered sulkily, turning away from Hawke and the mirror to lie back down on their bed with her eyes glued to the ceiling and her fingers trapped in between her teeth. "Stop giving me those eyes, you know as well as I do that I'd be a crap mom. And not because I didn't grow up with a mom or dad either, but…You know why alright?"

Isabela was at that point content to lie in her bed all day to think (not wallow, she doesn't wallow no matter how many times Hawke says she does), yet even that idea left her head when she felt the warm press of Hawke's body against her side and the pale arms that wrap around her to bring her closer so that Hawke can press her face against her chest, nuzzling so slightly that for once Isabela can actually control herself on not doing anything to carry this on further.

Hawke pressed a kiss to her cheek. "You wouldn't be a crap mom, I know you wouldn't. You could take the kid sailing with you and Merrill on Saturdays, then you could both pretend to be pirates and on Sunday the kid and you could help defile whatever religious building you can find just to screw around with Sebastian. And I wouldn't care, because it'd be your kid and I know you'd be great."

Isabela glanced over at the woman next to her, a smirk on her face that didn't quite match up to how she was feeling at all (scared, nervous, anxious, you name it) yet kept on in spite of everything just because she wanted to see Hawke happy and if Hawke was happy then she was happy. "Thought pretty hard on this haven't you Birdy?"

"Only with you in mind," Hawke admitted with a guilty smile that didn't fit Hawke's face as Hawke is not usually a smiley person, yet how can Isabela not smile back? When Hawke smiles it means something, and when Hawke reaches up to tuck a stray hair behind her ear then that means something too. It's just all very Hawke. She loves it.

Isabela 'mhms' in response before realizing something and turning on her side so that she can kiss Hawke's nose, eyes delving downwards to stare hungrily at Hawke's lips until she relinquished all thought of actually getting laid (serious talk never does end up with getting laid, she doesn't know why she keeps hoping so much) and looked back up to smile devilishly at the soft look that has taken over Hawke's face.

"Hey you said my kid, what's that supposed to mean? Aren't you going to be pulling your weight or something?" She teased with a hand resting on the pale woman's stomach, pulling the shirt up slightly until she can tickle the vast amount of skin presented to her. "Because if so then you can kiss your dream of wanting my babies right behind you Miss Broody Panties!"

"Babies?" That eyebrow is quirked and very, very appealing and Maker's breath Hawke doesn't play fair at all.

"I still don't know if this is a yes or no," Isabela found herself admitting more quietly than she would have liked, but it's true and she didn't want Hawke to think that it's a definite yes when she still isn't sure she'll be as good as a mom as Hawke assured her she would be, "you okay with a maybe?"

Hawke smiled and the way she snuggled further into Isabela's chest does make Isabela's heart beat faster than it is supposed to. "I'm surprisingly patient Isabela, you know that."

Isabela rolled her eyes; pleased that Hawke can't see it otherwise she's sure she'll get punched. "Well, someone has to be patient around here I guess. Not me that's for sure, because y'know…"

"No we're not having sex right now. Besides you're late for work." Damn it Hawke.

"I'm also naked, in our bed, and I'm very hungry for some Hawke berries, so spread your…"

"Isabela…" The growl is a warning, a warning she soon enough took into heed after at least five minutes of kissing.

She's just lucky she didn't get fired when she eventually did get to work.


End file.
